This is what I want to know... when you go into the restroom, why is it that there could be 100 stalls next to you, but that "someone" (you know who you are) comes in and has to sit their fat smelly ass right next to you? WHY? There should be a published book about bathroom etiquette. SERIOUSLY. It annoys me to no end. So if you're reading this, don't sit your ass down next to me in the restroom.
Just had to get that off my chest.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Bathroom Blunders
So I have had some unpleasant incidents over the years and I would really like to share them. Although, most of my friends who will dare to read this some day will know them. But I thought I’d get them down on paper.
My first “run in” with the # 2 was about 8 years ago when I was on vacation with some friends. So as we’re on the way home from Hilton Head, as you all know is A LONG drive, especially for someone who has to go # 2 as frequently as some go # 1, I demanded that we pull into this so called restaurant/gas station to fill up and unload if you know what I mean... As skanky as this place was, when I came out of the bathroom clear in the back of the eatery I noticed a few of the hillbilly patrons starting at what I’m going to call “disbelief” in hindsight…
As I got into the car, put my seat belt on , and got situated about a mile down the road I happened to look down at my leg, of which I was wearing shorts, and notice a large smudge of # 2 on my thigh. To which the car almost crashed from laughter and “disbelief“. Now, it is at this point I will insert the question for you after I know you are all thoroughly grossed out. How in the effing hell, Leslie, did you get shit on your leg? To which I will answer that for you, I have no effing idea.
Maybe the next story will help… but I have to say first, that there are so many to even write that I will just give you a little taste into what my husband has to put up with.
It was winter when I was court reporting for the hearing impaired students at OSU and so wearing a winter coat, being dressed up, heals, lecture halls of about 400 students, and carrying 20lbs of luggage often had it’s trying moments. Now, I know with my “issues” of going # 2 that I CANNOT under any circumstances drink coffee and then go somewhere without having to “GO”. On this day, I was running late to get to the lecture, so I chugged my coffee and slipped my beautiful Banana Republic red wool coat on and headed out the door. To which I parked my car and had to walk 5,000 miles to get to the hall and along the way I felt my tummy saying, “You’re a complete idiot. You should’ve went before you left the house. Muahhhh”
So I ran into the hall, straight to the bathroom - well, you couldn’t even call it a bathroom because the stalls were separated by shower curtains. So knowing that this was going to be sorta like a volcanic eruption that was brewing of years, I decided that with a lot of toilet paper I would muffle the volcano so that the person next to me would not be grossed out. Needless to say, I muffled the noise all right, and was on my way to the lecture. As I get set up next to the student (mind you I’m surrounded by 399 other people) I happen to look down at the sleeve on my coat to which there was a surprise… THE VOLCANIC ERUPTION RIGHT THERE ON MY EFFING SLEEVE. And I shit you not, the student says to me so loudly, because he can’t hear himself talking… “Ewwww. Can you smell that?” At that moment in time I thought I was going to die.
I will leave you with that. Thank you # 2 and good night.
My first “run in” with the # 2 was about 8 years ago when I was on vacation with some friends. So as we’re on the way home from Hilton Head, as you all know is A LONG drive, especially for someone who has to go # 2 as frequently as some go # 1, I demanded that we pull into this so called restaurant/gas station to fill up and unload if you know what I mean... As skanky as this place was, when I came out of the bathroom clear in the back of the eatery I noticed a few of the hillbilly patrons starting at what I’m going to call “disbelief” in hindsight…
As I got into the car, put my seat belt on , and got situated about a mile down the road I happened to look down at my leg, of which I was wearing shorts, and notice a large smudge of # 2 on my thigh. To which the car almost crashed from laughter and “disbelief“. Now, it is at this point I will insert the question for you after I know you are all thoroughly grossed out. How in the effing hell, Leslie, did you get shit on your leg? To which I will answer that for you, I have no effing idea.
Maybe the next story will help… but I have to say first, that there are so many to even write that I will just give you a little taste into what my husband has to put up with.
It was winter when I was court reporting for the hearing impaired students at OSU and so wearing a winter coat, being dressed up, heals, lecture halls of about 400 students, and carrying 20lbs of luggage often had it’s trying moments. Now, I know with my “issues” of going # 2 that I CANNOT under any circumstances drink coffee and then go somewhere without having to “GO”. On this day, I was running late to get to the lecture, so I chugged my coffee and slipped my beautiful Banana Republic red wool coat on and headed out the door. To which I parked my car and had to walk 5,000 miles to get to the hall and along the way I felt my tummy saying, “You’re a complete idiot. You should’ve went before you left the house. Muahhhh”
So I ran into the hall, straight to the bathroom - well, you couldn’t even call it a bathroom because the stalls were separated by shower curtains. So knowing that this was going to be sorta like a volcanic eruption that was brewing of years, I decided that with a lot of toilet paper I would muffle the volcano so that the person next to me would not be grossed out. Needless to say, I muffled the noise all right, and was on my way to the lecture. As I get set up next to the student (mind you I’m surrounded by 399 other people) I happen to look down at the sleeve on my coat to which there was a surprise… THE VOLCANIC ERUPTION RIGHT THERE ON MY EFFING SLEEVE. And I shit you not, the student says to me so loudly, because he can’t hear himself talking… “Ewwww. Can you smell that?” At that moment in time I thought I was going to die.
I will leave you with that. Thank you # 2 and good night.
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